The thin line between anger and worry
by Bavaria78
Summary: MacGyver is on a downward spiral and Jack is at his wits end how to help him. They are at odds with each other. A mission gone sideways may take the chance from them to make things right again. I don't own any of the characters.
1. Chapter 1

AN:

I'm really not sure if this is going to suck or going to be great Anyway, I tried to do some research on the medical things, but then I decided just to improvise. So please don't curse me. This is going to be intense, so be prepared. Have fun and leave me a comment please.

I don't own any of the characters.

Chapter 1

„Mac stop! Wait!" Jack screamed. The former Delta jumped out of the van and saw his friend storming into the building. Shots rang out before Jack had even reached the door. He brought his gun up and carefully entered the old warehouse. The sight that greeted him was gruesome. Mac was lying on the dirty floor, bleeding heavily from several gun shot wounds. The bad guys were nowhere in sight. Jack dropped onto his knees, taking Macs hand in his. „Oh Mac, buddy I'm so sorry," sobbed the Delta. Mac opened his eyes and whispered: „You're too late Jack, you failed me." A small shuddering breath escaped Macs lips and he died. „NO!" Jacks scream echoed through the hall.

„No, please Mac!" Jack shot up in his bead, breathing as if he had run a marathon. His whole body shook, tears were streaming down his face and his shirt was plastered to his skin by sweat. Slowly Jack registered, where he was. He recognized his bedroom and the dream slowly faded. Jack stood up, but he fell right back on his bed. His knees were so weak, refusing to carry his bodys weight. The Delta sat there for several minutes, fighting hard to get his breathing under control. Finally he had calmed down enough. Jack entered his bathroom and took a long shower. When he came back into the bedroom he glanced at the clock, three in the morning. That meant another night with only two hours of sleep. He had stopped counting them, there were simply too many. He slipped into some sweat pants and his favourite Metallica shirt and walked to the kitchen. The coffee machine was his new best friend. Jack wasn't used to be a coffee drinker, but lately he took a liking to it. Probably caused by the constant nightmares and the need to compensate his lack of sleep.

He took his cup and sat down in his favourite chair. The hot strong liquid cleared his head a bit. It was frustrating. Night after night he was robbed of his rest, because of his nightmares. Jack knew why he had the nightmares, but he was at his wits end what to do about it. The constant worry for his partner was the reason for the night terrors, Jack was suffering. Since the death of Zoe Mac hadn't been the same. Jack knew it was cruel, that his friend had to watch the scientists drowning, but it hadn't been Macs fault. On the contrary he was the reason, why the rest of the young people on the ship had survived. But that was not the way Mac saw it. Guilt was eating him alive. All the reasoning and convincing, that Zoes death was not Macs fault were in vain. It was as if Jack couldn't reach his brother anymore. The walls around Macs soul higher and thicker than ever. The blond agent had changed. Sometimes it seemed to Jack as if Mac was punishing himself. Doing combat training in the Phoenix gym for hours until he was beyond exhausted. But the worst was his behaviour when they were on a mission. Mac didn't put his team mates in danger, but he took higher and higher risks from mission to mission. Got into nasty fights with the bad guys, no matter how big they were. Rushing into scenes without back up, but still able to maygyver some way out of it.

Everybody noticed it, but as long as they accomplished their mission goals, Matty didn't try to stop his self destroying behaviour. Jack had a talk with her, but she opted for giving Mac time. They all trusted Jack to bring Mac back out of his own hell. The truth was, Jack wasn't sure how much longer he could stand the situation. He had tried everything. A trip to Macs cabin, a road trip to Texas a silent night on Macs deck. Jack hadn't been able to bring the blond to open up and talk about his feelings. The constant worry for his friend and the pressure from the rest of the team were beginning to take a toll on Jack. He was Macs overwatch and the blond was making his job harder than ever. When they weren't out in the field it was not much better. Trying to stop Mac from making himself sick with his excessive running and training was a real chore. The dark attitude the blond had developed making the situation not easier at all. Jacks nerves were fraying thin. The constant worry and the nightmares made a good nights rest impossible. The coffee helped him a bit to make it through the day, but he was getting short tempered.

After three more cups of the dark brew and the same number of hours racking his brain for a way to help Mac, Jack sighed and stood up. He changed into his work clothes and headed to the Phoenix foundation. At seven o'clock in the morning the gym would be empty. A good opportunity to let of some steam by hitting a punching bag. As he opened the door to the gym, the first thing he noticed was the heavy breathing. A look over to the corner told him, that Mac had beat him. The blond was literally killing the punching bag. His face was beet red and his shirt already sweat soaked.

„Whoa kid, I think the bag had enough for now. And besides, Matty doesn't like to buy a new punching bag every week." Jack tried to make light of the situation.

„You're early," was the short clipped answer he got. Jack sighed. „And so are you, are you ok Mac?"

„I'm fine, why do you ask?" Mac was wary.

„Mac, this isn't you. For weeks now you are pushing your body over his limits again and again. I agree, it's good to be well trained, but you are putting to much strain on your body. You are burning way more calories than you are taking in. Did you look in the mirror lately? Talk to me Mac. Punishing yourself isn't going to make things better."

„That's none of your business Jack. I'm fit, fitter than you old man. Are you concerned I take your role as bad ass Delta?" Mac snapped, grabbed his towel and headed for the showers.

That hit home. Jack sank down on the bench and leaned on his knees, his head buried in his hands. It wasn't what Mac had said to him, it was the way he said those hurtful things. He just didn't know how to approach his friend. _He's hurt, he's just lashing out, _Jack tried to justify Macs outburst. But at the same time he felt a wave of anger burn through him. Jack walked over to the punching bag. „I'm gonna show you, what an old man can do," with that he let his fury rain into the bag.

Mac stood under the shower, his hands on the wall for support. He was ashamed. How could he be so mean to Jack? Just before he turned around, he had seen the damage the insult had done in Jacks eyes. Disappointment, sadness, hurt and ….anger. A pool of misery expressed in one single moment. A pool of misery was, where he was drowning day after day. It was as if his arms were bound to his body, so he couldn't move to brake through the surface. The undertow of guilt pulling him down again. Mac was lost. He had gone through really tough times in his life, but never was he struggling like this. Somehow his mind knew, that Zoes death was not his fault, but his heart told him a different story. Mac hadn't even been able to give her a little comfort. He couldn't express how he felt. So many emotions burning through his soul. Guilt, grief, shame, hurt were just a few of them. Every single one left a path of pain behind, like a stream of lava was burning down its way. Mac knew he was worrying his friends with his behaviour, but he couldn't stop the feelings that were pushing him down. They just wanted him to be _normal_ again. What could ever be normal again? He failed Zoe, if he had thought harder, acted faster there would have been a way to save her. God, he couldn't get the expression on her face out of his head as she went under. Anger welled up again. A wonderful woman had died a gruesome death and his team wanted him to act as if nothing had happened. A barbecue out on the deck. Sure. A Bruce Willis marathon. Why not? Going out for pizza. Any time. What the FUCK! Anger welled up in Mac. Why couldn't they just leave him alone. He didn't need comfort or hugs from them. He needed Zoe to be alive! The worst of them was Jack. Always observing him, stopping him from overexerting and the same question day in day out. _Are you_ _alright_? Yeah sure, why should it bother me, that a person had died because of me. Jack was killing people all the time, so why should Mac have a problem with letting down a nerdy scientist. Why couldn't they understand the severity of his failure. Jack always wanted him to talk about it. What's the use? The Delta didn't understand him, he kept repeating the „You know this wasn't your fault kid"-speech. Mac knew Jack only wanted to help, but he couldn't find the way out of this circle of bitterness. He knew, he was pushing the Delta away, but that was self preservation. Mac couldn't deal with the offering of support and sympathy, because he just didn't deserve it. So he tried to at least function like a normal agent would do. Going out in the field, bringing the bad boys down. Period. Mac sighed. He owed Jack an apology, he just didn't know how to do it without avoiding another discussion regarding his attitude. Fuck! He was not in the mood to deal with it today. His body was aching from the boxing. Mac didn't eat much and slept even less. Jack was right, he had lost weight, but Mac just didn't care. He sighed again. Time to face the music. With a little luck, there was no mission to fulfill and he could hide in his lab the whole day.

As Mac stepped out of the shower his cell beeped. Great, Matty ordered them to the war room. He hurried out of the locker room, before Jack would come in to shower. Mac was sitting on the couch in the war room, when the rest of the team strolled in. Jack was the last one to enter. Mac sought eye contact to shoot Jack at least an apologizing look, but the Delta just ignored him. That wasn't lost on the others. Riley sent Bozer a questioning look, but he shook his head slightly.

„Is there something we need to address boys?" Matty asked sarcastically.

Jack shook his head. „Everything is just fine boss. What do we have?" His own punching session was to short to get rid of all his anger, but he was a professional and would push his feelings aside.

Matty nodded. „We've got intel, that there is a lab outside of Denver where two scientists are developing warfare agents."

Mac asked: „What kind of warfare agents, biological?"

„As far as we know chemical, but we're not 100% sure. Our job is to take the scientists into custody and secure the lab and bring back their findings. Your up in 20, any questions?" Matty let her gaze roam between her best two agents, but both pretended not to notice and left the room.

Jack was gearing up, just closing his tac vest and doing a last check of his equipment as Riley entered the room. The Delta sent her a fond smile. „Hey Ri, you ready to get some nerds?"

Riley frowned. „What is going on between you and Mac? And don't say nothing, I'm not dumb Jack."

Jack sighed. „I won't, but this is not the time nor the place to discuss this. How about pizza at my place when this mission is completed? We'll have the time and the privacy to talk about it."

The hacker nodded. „You're right. Thanks for not pushing me away Jack."

„I think Mac does enough of it. No need to let things get complicated between us baby."

„It's getting worse, isn't it?" Riley whispered.

Jack turned away from Riley, not wanting to see her pained expression. „Yeah, and I don't know how to help him anymore. I know you all rely on me to pull him out of this mess, but I … I'm losing him."

Riley grabbed Jacks arm and turned him around. „No you won't Jack. We won't. We'll bring him back."

Jack gave her a hug. „So, enough of it. We have a mission to accomplish. Let's go." He just hoped Riley hadn't noticed, that his eyes were brimming with tears. Riley sighed and followed him, she just had realized that Jack was nearing his limits, she had seen how Jack had fought not to cry and her heart ached for him and Mac.

Please let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

AN:

Thank you so much for reviewing, following and favouriting the story. You guys are the best. I wanted to take a break from writing, but then this popped into my mind and I had to write it down. This is intense. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. Forgive me for the mistakes related to the medical stuff and of course for all the other mistakes I've made. English is still not my first language, but I'm working on it, so go easy on me.

Chapter 2

The flight to Denver was quiet. Their mission was clear. Bozer and Riley were supposed to stay in the van, Riley controlling the cameras and Bozer providing a quick escape if need be.

„Riley show us the blueprint of the building." Jack ordered. He studied the image for a minute and made a decision. „We'll enter the building through the side entrance. We don't know much about our targets, so let's be prepared. Riley you'll hack their cameras and keep us informed over coms. Mac do you see something, we should be worried about?" Jack turned to the blond agent and looked at him expectantly.

Mac just shrugged. Jack felt his blood began to boil. „Are you in on this mission or not? Tell me or I'm gonna call the show off."

„I'm in." Mac held Jacks glare. Riley and Bozer were uneasy and it displayed on their faces.

„Fine." Jack turned and checked his guns again. There was no need for it, but he had to do something to distract himself. „Focus Dalton," his mind screamed.

The jet landed and they got in the waiting van. Riley took out her rig and started to hack the securtiy system of the lab. The ride to the lab took them only twenty minutes.

Jack was in charge. „Ok, coms check." They controlled their gear and nodded. „Bozer be ready, in case we need to get out of here real fast."

Wilt nodded eagerly. „I will."

„Ok, we have eyes." Riley notified.

„Mac you ready?" Jack looked at his partner. Mac seemed to be focused, he held up the flash drive, he would use to download the files. „I am."

„Ok, let's go." Jack took the lead. The lab wasn't big, it was a one story building. A hall was dividing the six rooms. Mac picked the lock on the side entrance with practised ease. Jack pulled out his Beretta and cleared the hall. „Ri, where are they?" Jack asked.

„First door on the left and second on the right side Jack." Riley was focused on her screen. Jack opened the door and a red haired man in a white lab coat turned around. „Ramsey! Get out!" He shouted before Jack was able to silence him with a punch. The man grunted and fell on one knee, but slammed his weight into Jack and brought him down. Mac had already left to go after Ramsey. Jack was in full Delta mode now, he slammed his elbow into the middle of the redhead and drove the air out of him. He made a grab for Jacks Beretta, they fought shortly, then a shot rang out and the redhead fell to the ground dead. Jack said: „Number one is dead. This looks like a storage room, no computers in here Ri." He left the room and went after his partner.

The next room was a lab. Volumetric flasks, racks with vials, chemicals and all the stuff, you would expect in a lab, was there. In one corner was a small desk. Mac had already knocked the man out and was pushing the flash drive into the computer. „Good job Mac." He bent to restrain Ramsey, who was conscious again, as the man pushed a button on his bracelet. „Fuck, what the hell did you just do?" Ramsey just grinned. Mac looked up from the computer. „What's going on Jack?"

„That sucker just pushed a button on his bracelet. Do you have any idea, what that's supposed to mean?"

Mac looked around, there seemed to be nothing off. He shrugged. „Probably some kind of securtity back up. We better hurry."

„I'm right with you bud." Jack grabbed Ramsey by the collar and started to drag him out of the room, as the first explosion on the end of the building went off. „Mac, we need to get out of here now, they are blowing this shithole up."

„I need another minute, go! I'll be out soon." Mac watched the download of the files.

Jack got angry. „You don't have a minute bro. This isn't worth dying for. Come on." He grabbed Mac with one arm and Ramsey with the other and dragged the two out of the door. Several explosions were rocking the building. Parts of the ceiling and other debris were raining down on them. They had almost reached the door, when Mac pulled out of Jacks arm and turned around.

„The download must be finished. I go and grab the flash drive. Go ahead I'll be right back." With that he was gone before Jack could react. He screamed after his friend. „Mac! What the fuck! Get out of here now! Shit! Boze, meet me in front of the building and take Ramsey. I need to go back for Mac."

Jack opened the door and shoved Ramsey out onto the parking lot. Bozer was running to him. After another explosion the back of the building collapsed. „Get him out Jack!" Bozer cried.

„On my way and then I'm gonna kill him," the Delta growled. It was not anger that spoke out of his words, but pure naked fear for the wellbeing of his partner.

Jack entered the building. Half of the ceiling had come down. He stepped over the debris. Dust was making it hard to breathe. Jack opened the door to the lab, where Mac was and froze. The expolsion had destroyed the lab. Broken glas was lying everywhere, the room was filled with an ugly smell. Pieces of broken furniture and machines covered the floor. The desk was turned over, no sign of the blond agent. „Mac, where are you buddy?" A painful cough was the only answer he got. It came from the corner, where the overturned desk was. Jack ran over but he slipped in the puddle on the floor and went down hard, right onto a pile of broken Erlenmeyer flasks. „Damn it," he swore, as he looked at the long cut on his right forearm. He had no time to take care of it now. He reached out and carefully lifted the desk. He was greated by a grinning MacGyver who slowly got to his feet. „Mac, are you hurt?" Jack asked concerned.

„No, the desk sheltered me from the blast. Let's get out of here." He grabbed the flash drive and left the room. A swearing Jack close on his heels.

Bozer had handed Ramsey over to the local authorities. The atmosphere in the van was tense. Riley wrapped a bandage around Jacks forearm. „It's a nasty gash Jack. Pretty long and deep, this is going to need stitches." Jack didn't even flinch as Riley tied the bandage tightly. He stared at Mac, who sat in the van looking totally relaxed. The relief Jack had felt, as he saw that Mac was uninjured was washed away by seething anger.

„Are you fucking out of your mind Mac? Going back into a building, where one explosion followed the other. You could have been killed. Do you even care?" Jacks voice was getting louder.

Macs temper flared too. „What do you want from me? We needed the intel, we got the intel. Period. I'm fine. Where's the problem?"

„Where the problem is? I'm gonna tell you. You are the problem. What do you want to prove by taking those unneccessary risks? Why don't you care anymore? What the hell is the matter with you? Not only you could have died, both of us could." Jack shouted gesticulating wildly with his injured arm.

„Nobody asked you to go back in. I was perfectly fine. I don't need you to keep me safe. Don't be disappointed, because I'm a big boy now, I don't need a babysitter." Mac replied coldly.

In the following silence you could have heard the drop of a needle. Jack turned away from Mac and sat down heavily, he leaned back and closed his eyes. His body was shaking with anger, but he knew if he would say another word it would probably destroy their friendship for good. Jack knew that it was some kind of self preservation of Mac, he was lost and just lashing out, but that doesn't ease the pain he felt at hearing those words. He was tired, bone tired. Riley stared at Mac her mouth open, but she and Bozer knew better than to get involved in the argument too.

And so the flight back to Phoenix was as silent as their previous had been. Jack called Matty and informed her, that the mission was successfully completed. „Anybody hurt?" she asked.

„Mac got caught in one of the explosions, but he seems to be ok. I've got a little scratch on the arm, but I'm good." Jack told the truth. He didn't feel any pain. Probably because the pain in his heart was much worse.

„Ok, debrief as soon as you are back." Matty ended the call.

It was a somber group, that entered the war room at Phoenix. The success from the mission overshadowed by the argument between Jack and Mac.

Mac sat down on the couch, with Bozer on his left. Riley took the back rest and Jack stood like a statue. The tension was palpable in the room. Matty frowned and looked from one team member to the other. She sighed. „Does anybody care to tell me what's going on?" Her gaze focused on Mac. „Blondie?"

Mac pulled out the flash drive and handed it to her. „We've got the intel you wanted. One of the bad guys is dead, the other in custody." Matty snorted, clearly not satisfied with Macs answer. She looked over to Jack and noticed the blood, that had soaked through the bandage and was dripping onto the floor. Jack was pale and he seemed … older and totally worn out.

Mattys voice softened. „First of all, you are going to medical Jack and get your arm stitched up, you're bleeding all over the room. And get changed, you smell awful." She remarked with a glance at his still wet cargo pants.

„Blondie, you go with him. Let yourself get checked out. Make sure, the explosion hasn't messed up that big brain of yours. That's an order." Her stern voice made it clear she wouldn't argue about the matter.

Jack just nodded and left the room. He was glad he could escape debrief for now. He had to get his thoughts in order, and at the moment he had problems to think clearly. Mac followed him. It was weird, they always were chattering, when walking the Phoenix floors. Now it seemed like two strangers were strolling down the hall side by side.

Jack took a shower before walking into medical. This way he wouldn't wet the fresh bandage the medical stuff would apply. He looked at his arm curiously. Riley had been right. The gash was long and deep and still he barely felt any pain, just a slight stinging. A wound like this normally would throb like hell. A small gift on a really shitty day, but Jack would take it. A few minutes later the Delta was sitting on an exam table. The doctor had cleaned the wound and insisted on a local anesthetic, ignoring Jacks objection, that he didn't feel any pain. He had dealt with Mac and Jack too often to believe one of them, when it came to injuries. After putting in twenty-five neat stitches, he bandaged the wound and advised Jack to keep it dry and clean. Jack nodded. „I know the drill, thanks doc."

Mac had already got clearance and left medical. Jack sighed and slowly walked down the hall. He felt a little woozy and his legs seemed to shake. Before he entered the war room again, he leaned on the wall to collect himself. Jack took a deep breath and straightened. „Time to get this crap over with."

„… Ramsey triggered the explosions by pushing a button on his bracelt." Mac was reporting as Jack stepped into the room. The only vacant place was right beside Mac, so Jack decided to remain standing, although he didn't feel very good. Matty nodded at him and continuted with the debrief.

Jack wasn't able to concentrate on the things that were said. He was grateful, that Matty hadn't addressed him. Uh, until know. She had asked him something, but it hadn't penetrated the fog, that had filled his head.

„Jack Dalton, would you please care to join the conversation!" Matty was pissed.

„Uh, sorry … what … I … I don't feel …" the words _so good_ didn't leave Jacks mouth, because his body decided to shut down and he collapsed to the floor unconscious.

„Jack!" Rileys cry was echoed by the others. Mac was the first to reach the Delta. Matty called for a doctor. „Medical emergency in the war room. Hurry!" She joined the rest of her team and watched as Mac tried to bring Jack round, by gently slapping his face. „Come on big guy. Open your eyes, Jack." No reaction came. Worry and fear were filling Macs mind.

„Let's get him on the couch." Mac ordered. Carefully they carried Jacks unresponsive body and laid him down. Mac knelt beside him and felt his pulse. „A bit fast, but strong," he observed. The Delta blinked and opened his eyes. Confused he looked around and asked. „What happened?"

Mac answered. „You passed out partner." Jack frowned. „No, I didn't."

„You did, and it scared the hell out of me." Bozer piped up. The door opened and the same doctor, who had stitched him up, rushed in. „What happened?"

„Jack fainted. He was unresponsive, when I asked him something and then he just collapsed and was out cold." Matty reported.

The doctor felt for Jacks pulse, took his blood pressure and looked into his eyes. He asked him a few questions and Jack was honest, that he felt a bit woozy and shaky on the way to the war room, but nothing else.

The doctor diagnosed. „Probably caused by the blood loss in combination with a slight dehydration. I will draw some blood to be on the safe side. The results will be back tomorrow. Meanwhile, I'm gonna take him back to medical and set him up with an IV. We'll decide how he fares, after we got some liquids into him, if we send him home for the night or not."

Jack groaned. „I'm good doc. Just let me go home and I promise I go straight to bed."

„Maybe later Jack. Do you think you're up to walk back to medical or should I bring a gurney?"

Jack was determined. „I'll walk." Mac reached out to help Jack up. He was shocked by Jacks collapse and ashamed for his behaviour earlier. He would make things right with Jack, but not here. Hopefully they would let Jack go home for the night. Mac decided he wouldn't leave the Deltas side. The blond agent had his partner seen injured on more than one occasion. They had some really rough missions, where Jack had gone two days without treatment after a gun shot wound. Passing out, because of a cut on the arm? That was something new.

Jack slowly stood up, the doc on one and Mac on the other side helping him to remain upright. The Delta was really wobbly and it took him a few moments to get control over his feet. „Ready," he breathed and the trio left the war room slowly. Everybody could see that it took everything from Jack to stay on his feet.

„Stubborn cuss! I should have ordered a gurney," Matty grumbled, but Riley and Bozer could see the concern on her face. Her boss was always argueing with Jack, but they had learned that this was a kind of love/hate thing the two had going. They knew each other for a long time and were well aware that Matty had a soft spot for Jack. Although it only showed on occasions like this.

Matty trurned to her two remaining agents. „What the hell is going on between these two?"

Riley sighed. „I'm sure you noticed that Mac wasn't himself lately." Matty nodded. „Jack had tried everything to bring him out of his isolation, but Mac is pushing everybody away. We watched the whole incident over the cameras. The first explosions went off and Jack wanted Mac to leave immediately, but Mac refused. So Jack grabbed him and Ramsey and made his way outside. Before they had reached the door Mac turned around and went back in. The place was already in shambles. More explosions could be heard. Jack shoved Ramsey out of the door and headed in for Mac. The lab he was in has been destroyed and Mac was buried under a desk. Jack went down hard and cut his arm. He pulled Mac out. The desk had protected him from the blast. Jack brought him out to the van and they had a nasty arguement. They haven't spoken to each other since then." Riley finished and looked over to Bozer.

„That about sums it up Matty." Wilt agreed. „We all tried to reason with Mac, that Zoes death wasn't his fault. But you know how he is, always shouldering the guilt, when something goes wrong. He just closes up, he can't help himself. Mac's suffering, but so is Jack. To be honest we relied on him to pull Mac out of his shell, but he hasn't been successful either. The worry weights heavily on Jack. Macs behaviour today was the last straw. They need to have a good long talk or our team will fall apart."

„Thank you both for being so honest with me. I knew Mac had problems, but I have to admit I didn't recognize the extent of it. There won't be any missions until everything is under control again. I can't have my agents go out in that condition." Matty declared. „Now go home and rest, debrief can wait until another day."

„Thanks Matty." „Bye." Riley and Bozer were grateful to be released. It had been an awful day for all of them.

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

AN:

I'm so pumped about the feedback I get from you. Thank you so much for all the kind words, thanks to the guest for the review.

Warning: some graphic illness scenes.

Chapter 3

„No wonder I feel like shit, you took a pint of blood from me." Jack complained as the nurse filled the fourth vial.

„I don't need so much blood, it's just so much fun to torture you," the nurse joked and put a band-aid on Jacks arm. Jack grunted disgusted. „I knew it, you're related with Dracula, aren't you?" „Maybe you should look for some garlic, to be on the safe side Jack." She grinned and left the room with the samples.

Jack fumbled with the IV, that was attached to his left hand. Mac clapped him and said: „Leave that alone."

„I have a Deja Vu. Normally it's me, who says that sentence." He smiled weakly.

„Yeah, and you're not a better patient than me, always giving the nurses a hard time," Mac said lightly. He sat beside Jacks bed and observed his partner closely. Jack was pale, he looked done in and the hand, he was running through his hair was shaking. Fear was forming a lump in his throat, he swallowed hard and started. „Jack, I'm sorry you got hurt, I …"

Jack interrupted him softly. „It's ok kiddo. Can we please talk tomorrow about it? I just can't concentrate on anything right now, ok?" He jawned.

„Sure Jack. We'll talk tomorrow." Mac really wanted to apologize to Jack for his behaviour lately. He knew he had to pull himself together. They could make another trip to his cabin. And this time Mac would try to talk about his feelings. Maybe this was the way to get this over with. Jack had the patience of a saint, when it came to Mac and the mess his soul sometimes was. The blond vowed to make more of an effort to repair the crack in their friendship, he just hoped it wasn't too late, that the damage he had done, was still to fix.

Jack had fallen asleep and Mac just sat there and watched his friend. It wasn't the first time he held bedside vigil. Getting hurt was simply part of the job and while it was way more often Mac, who ended up in medical, Jack had had his fare share of injuries. At least it was something minor this time, he sighed. After an hour the IV bag was empty and Jack was stirring. He opened bleary eyes and was not really with it for a few minutes. Mac gave him some water and slowly Jack was able to focus. „How long did I sleep?"

„For about an hour, IV's empty now. How do you feel?" Mac asked, not able to mask his concern over Jacks lethargy.

„Like I could sleep for a week, but otherwise good. Can you get the doc, I wanna go home now."

Mac left and returned with the doctor in tow. „So Jack, I'm going to examine you and then we decide, if you'll be our guest tonight or not."

„I'm fine and this is not a exactly the Ritz, so I'm going home."

The doctor took his time. Taking Jacks vitals, looking into his eyes and asking questions over questions. The Delta was grumpy, but Mac tried to reason with him. „He's just doing his job Jack." That earned him an angry glare from Jack, but he didn't say anything. After twenty minutes the doctor seemed satisfied. „You're good to go Jack. Nothing that gives cause for concern. But take it easy for a few days and don't overextert that arm. I'm gonna give you a call, if the results of the blood samples bring something up. I'll expect you back in two days to have a look on your arm and change the dressing." The doctor finished and left the room.

„Finally, this took forever." Jack breathed, relieved that he could go home and sleep. He sat up and stood slowly. Mac took his arm, as he started to sway, but Jack soon found his legs.

„I'll take you home and stay with you Jack." Mac said.

„I'll let you drive me home, but there's no need to stay bro. I'm good." Jack denied the offer.

„I will stay, if you like it or not. You scared the shit out of me, as you passed out Jack. I'm not gonna leave you tonight. I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway. So I'm gonna stay. Period." Mac was determined. Jack smiled, seeing some of that fire return to Macs eyes was good. „Thanks Mac."

„You're welcome old man," and this time it was the light teasing tone, they often used on each other.

Yep, that was what I missed, thought Jack. He let Mac led him out of medical and to his Jeep. Jack nodded off, while Mac drove him home. The blond opened the passengers side and carefully woke Jack up. Keeping a safe distance, in case Jack woke up in Delta mode, which happened a lot after a tough mission, which was quite often. He was lucky, Jack mumbled something incoherent and climbed awkwardly out of the car. Mac took the Deltas arm and laid it over his shoulder. Jack was dead on his feet and it wouldn't be easy to drag him up the stairs to his apartment.

Jack couldn't shake the cobwebs off, that befuddled his mind. It took all from him just to set one foot in front of the other. Oh man, probably the lack of sleep of the last weeks was really catching up to him. He hadn't felt so done in for a long time. Jack was glad, that Mac was there, because he wouldn't have managed the stairs alone. The blond took out his key and opened the door. He helped Jack over to the couch and sat him down. „I'm gonna prepare your bedroom, be right back." Jack just nodded and rubbed his aching head. Mac went into the bedroom and pulled back the covers. He opened the closet and took out another blanket and laid it on the bed. Jack had lost blood and maybe he felt more comfortable with some added warmth. He put a bottle of water on the nightstand and was about to close the window as he heard a crash from the living room. He would never forget the sight, that greeted him as he entered the room.

Jack was lying on his side on the floor. A seizure was wreaking havoc on his body. Jacks eyes had rolled back, so that only the white was visible. His head was stretched back taut, so that the veins on his neck were standing out in a gruesome fashion, his jaw clenched tightly with a little bit of blood on the corner of his mouth. Jacks whole body was flogged forth and back, as if two unseen forces were fighting over him. The Deltas hands were frozen into claws. Mac had never seen something so frightening.

„Jack!" He screamed and fell down beside his brother. He pried his friends mouth open, blood was running out, caused by biting his tongue. Mac grabbed a pencil from the coffee table and forced it between Jacks teeth. He grabbed his phone and speed dialled his boss number. „Matty, we need an ambulance, NOW! Jack is having a seizure. Hurry, oh God please hurry. It's bad." He trew his cell to the side and tried to ease Jacks spasms by softly massaging the taut muscles, murmuring words of comfort the whole time. „It's alright Jack. I've got you. Try to relax buddy. I'm with you. It's gonna be ok. Help's on the way. Hold on bro, I've got you."

It seemed to last forever until the tenseness left his brothers body. Mac registered drops on Jacks shirt. He hadn't realized he was crying and he didn't care. Jacks body went limp as the attack, his body had suffered, slowly ebbed away. Mac caressed Jacks face. The Texans whole body was soaked in sweat. „Jack, can you hear me? Come back, open your eyes buddy. I know it's hard, but you need to give it a try, you hear me?" Mac pleaded. It was the first time he had witnessed somebody having a seizure and he knew it would haunt him forever. He didn't know, what to do and was so relieved, when the Deltas eyes began to flutter and then to open. „Welcome back bro, you gave me quite a scare," Mac tried a smile, but wasn't very successful, he was still shaken to the core by the episode.

Jack tried to focus on Mac, but he managed to hold Macs glance only for a few seconds.

„…t happ?" he slurred. Jack was confused. He was lying on the floor, held by Macs arms and the blond agent was crying openly. His whole body felt numb, he wasn't even able to lift his arm and his breathing was laboured. Jack was scared. He tried again breathlessly „…wron with me?" He wasn't even able to form a correct sentence, his head was pounding so bad.

Mac rubbed his arm. „Easy Jack," he soothed. „You had a seizure, the ambulance should be here any minute."

A seizure? Why? Pounding on the door interrupted Jacks whirling thoughts. Mac stood up and opened the door for the medics. He hovered as near as they would let him, while taking care of his partner. They took his vitals, hooked him to a heart monitor and inserted a needle in his arm for the IV bag. Then they applied an oxygen mask, this seemed to ease Jacks breathing at least. The medics asked him some questions, but Jack had trouble to process, what they wanted from him, so it was Mac who answered for him. No, he didn't have a seizure before and no, he didn't suffer from epilepsy. He denied the question regarding a recent head injury. There was no immediate clue, to what had triggered the spasm.

They lifted Jack carefully on a gurney and brought him out to the ambulance. Mac entered and sat beside his friend. Jack reached out for him in a uncoordinated move, Mac caught his hand and sqeezed it tightly. He could read the fear in Jacks eyes and he couldn't blame him one bit. Mac himself was scared as hell. „Whatˋs happening with me Mac? I've never felt so weak before." The words were muffled by the oxygen mask.

The blond agent could only shake his head. „I have no idea, but they'll find it out and help you Jack." The medic spoke up. „It's normal to feel weak and drained after a seizure." Jack sqeezed his eyes shut as a wave of pain rolled over him. He grabbed Macs hand harder. „Are you in pain Jack?"

The Delta nodded. The medic leaned over him and asked. „Where do you have pain? And how bad is it on a scale between 1 and 10."

„Everything hurts, arms, legs, my stomach, my head especially the eyes…." He stopped as another assault of pain threatened to take him into darkness. „…are really bad. It's an eight."

Mac gasped. Never in all these years had he heard Jack to classify pain with an eight. He rubbed Jacks arm and never felt so helpless before. He watched the Delta, noticing the tremble that took possession of Jacks body. Please, he pleaded in his mind, let him be ok. Suddenly Jack ripped tha mask off his face. „Gonna be sick!" The medic reacted immediately and had a bowl ready. Macs eyes filled with tears as he saw, how Jacks was tortured by the onslaught of nausea. When he was done, he fell back heavily, gasping for air. Mac cleaned Jacks face with a cloth and the medic pulled the oxygen mask back over his face. Jacks eyes were beginning to flutter. „Bro stay with me, hold on just a little longer," Mac pleaded, but soon his partners eyes rolled back and he was unconscious again.

Finally they reached Phoenix medical. They had just entered the building as Jack started to seize again. „Do something!" Mac cried frantic with worry. That can't be happening, not again! The medics forced a wooden tongue depressor between his teeth and started running with the gurney. They passed door after door until they reached medical. Matty, Riley and Bozer were already there, obviously informed by their boss. They stared in horror at Jacks convulsing body, the white eyes and his arching back that was held in place only by the restraints of the gurney. The Delta was pushed into ER, Mac tried to get in with him, but he was shoved a out by a nurse. He stood there totally lost in this nightmare that had become his life.

Matty went over to Mac and touched his arm. „Mac?" The blond agent turned around and fell down onto his knees and buried his face in his hands. Matty pulled him into a tight hug and rubbed his back. „Sh, he's gonna be ok, he's strong." They remained in this position unti it seemed that Mac had calmed down somewhat.

The blond agent took a deep breath and stood up. „Thanks." He looked over to Bozer and Riley, who was crying silently. He didn't know where to start. Mac walked over and fell on a chair.

Matty gave him a minute to compose himself, then she asked softly. „What happened Mac? He seemed fine when you left Phoenix."

They all saw it on Macs face, that he was asking himself the same. Helplessness was pouring out of every fiber of him. He took a deep breath and answered in a flat tone. „I don't know. He fell asleep on the way home and I had to help him up the stairs. He was really exhausted, but nothing that would indicate…" he made a vague gesture with his hand „…this. I went to the bedroom to get everything ready for him. There was a crash in the living room and he … Jack … he was lying on the floor his body twitched in a grotesque way. It …I've never seen something like this before and it being Jack who …I wanted to help …but I … I couldn't do anything apart from stopping him to bite down on his tongue. Nothing … you hear me … I couldn't stop it. It was … oh God let him be ok." Mac simply lost it. The strain of the last weeks finally got the better of him. The guilt, the tense relationship with Jack, the tough mission today and now the fear of losing Jack became to much to handle. He felt his vison blurry and the voices of his friends fade. Darkness was swallowing him and Mac was almost grateful for the relief.

His body went slack and he would have ended on the floor, if it hadn't been for Bozer, who saw it coming and grabbed him.

„Shit! We need a doctor here now!" Matty shouted.

Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I promise to update soon. Please let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

AN:

I'm so happy about all the positive feedback. Thank you all so much! It's really what keeps me going, especially because job hunting sucks right now. I miss the mental demand my job required, so I'm putting my energy into this. I hope you like it.

Chapter 4

Mac blinked a few times until the world came into focus. He was in a bed, a hospital bed. Why was he in medical? The mission went well. The mission! Jacks fainting, seizures! Mac shot up in bed. The room started to spin immediately. The blond closed his eyes and grabbed the side of the bed to ground himself. A gentle hand on his arm helped him to get control. „Easy Mac, don't rush it. Lay back down, the doctor wants to check you out, ok?" Mattys voice was warm and calm.

Mac relaxed into the cushion and opened his eyes again. It was way better this time. „Did I … did I pass out?" Embarrassment was painting his cheeks red. Doctor Wilson nodded, he was an older man with short grey hair and a gentle and caring nature. Mac liked the physician. „No need to be ashamed Mac. You went through a lot today. We have to find out what caused your collapse, it …"

„I'm fine. How's Jack, he's more important right now!" Mac interrupted. „What caused the seizures, the vomitting and the fucking pain, he's in? Have you found out?"

„Slowly Mac," again it was Matty, who tried to calm him down. „We need to know, if your fainting is related to Jacks condition. Maybe it was something in the lab, that caused you both to collapse."

Mac thought. „There were chemicals and Erlenmeyer flasks everwhere in the lab. They weren't labelled, so I can't tell what was in it. Everything was broken by the blast, there were shards of glas everywhere, that's where Jack got hurt. He slipped in a puddle and cut his arm." Mac closed his eyes. „We knew, they were developing warfare agents in the lab! Why didn't I think of it? It entered Jack through the wound or through the skin due to the wet trousers. I should have insisted, that he took a shower as soon as we entered the jet. This is my fault, Jack might die and it is my fault." The wave of guilt seemed to crash him.

„Stop! I don't want to hear no such talk! Right now we have to focus on identifying the substance." Matty was all boss again. She turned to Riley and Bozer, who had entered the room and listened to the conversation. „What's on the flash drive Riley?"

Riley shook her head. „Unfortunately not what we need right now. Mainly information about the possible buyer, which is important intel, but nothing about the kind of agents."

Bozer spoke up. „They took blood samples last night. Can't they identify which poison it is?"

Doctor Wilson shook his head. „The blood samples are giving us some information, but not the specific one we need. There are thousands of poisons, heavy metals or neurotoxins. As long as we don't have a sample, that we can analyze in the mass spectrometer, we can't decide about the right treatment."

Bozer smiled. „That's easy. Jacks trousers must be around here somewhere."

„Bozer, you're a genius!" Matty grabbed his hand and said. „Go, find it and take it to the lab."

She turned to the doctor, who had continued to examine Mac. „What do you think?"

The doctor stalled her with a gesture. „Mac it is imperative, that you are totally honest about your symptoms. Don't hold anything back, every bit of information is important. We need to know if we can rule out at least aerosols. Do you understand?"

Mac nodded, for the first time in his life he would be completely honest about his health. For Jack.

The doctor asked a lot of questions and Mac told the naked truth. He admitted to being exhausted long before the mission started. He told the doc, that he suffered from insomnia, anorexia and occasional panic attacks. Mac pointed out, that all of his symptoms were present before they set foot in the lab and that he couldn't add a new symptom to the list, after the mission was over.

Wilson nodded. „I assume your collapse was caused by the events catching up to you."

Matty and Riley were shocked, they both hadn't realized how bad Mac really was. Only Jack was aware of his state. The doctor sighed. „Well, I'm not happy at all about your condition, but I think we can at least rule out poisoning by an aerosol. You would have developed some symptoms by now."

Mac was anxious. „Can I go and see Jack now? Please, I need to be with him."

„Absolutely, I know that both of you fare better in medical, if the other is nearby. I've given up to try to understand it a long time ago. So come on, let's go and see how Jack's doing."

The physician helped Mac out of the bed and waited patiently until the blond stopped to wobble. Once he was steady on his feet they left the room and entered the ICU, where Jack was treated. Matty and Riley followed suit.

A team of doctors and nurses were working on the Delta. Jack was unconscious and his skin had a sickly greyish pallor. A monitor was screaming, that Jacks heart rate was way to high. He had a cuff on his arm, that was measuring his blood pressure every five minutes. His chest was bare and Mac could see how shallow Jacks breathing had become. A fine sheen of sweat glistered on his skin. Jacks body was twitching now and then, but thankfully not in a spasm like before. Several bags of IV liquids were applied to him.

Mac stood there, frozen. He blocked out the medical staff and equipment and there were only Jack and himself. He neared the bed and searched for Jacks hand. Mac didn't notice, that a chair was shoved under his butt. He fell down and held onto the Deltas hand as if it was a lifeline. And it was, Jack was his lifeline. Pure and simple. Always there, when Mac was the one lying in the bed, injured on a mission. His overwatch since the first day they met in the sandbox. Jack always had his back, not only at work, no it had become his second nature to look out for his partner 365 days a year. A column of strength, were Mac could draw from. As much as Jack liked to talk, he was also a great listener. He instictively knew, when Mac needed an open ear more than a lecture. They were soulmates.

„How …" his voice broke. He tried again. „How is he?"

Doctor Ward was writing something down on Jacks chart and looked up. He was middle aged and part of the Phoenix family for four years now, so he was familiar with both Jack and Mac. The doctors facial expression was grave. „Jack's holding his own. He had another seizure a few minutes ago."

„Another?!" Macs head shot up, eyes wide with fear.

Doctor Ward nodded. „He was conscious for some time, but not very coherent. I'm sorry Mac, I know you don't want to hear this, but if the seizures keep coming, there is huge concern about brain damage, there might be some already. We simply don't know at the moment. He's running a fever now. Blood pressure and heart rate are high, although not dangerously. The results of the substance on his clothes should be here soon and we'll start treatment once we know, what caused his condition. Mac stared at Ward open mouthed. Brain damage? No, that can't be. Jack liked the people to believe he was stupid, but it was the other way round. You didn't become a Delta if you were as dumb as dirt. The truth was Jack was a tactical genius, a precious weapon in every possible fight scenario. And Mac had found out that Jack was secretly reading science articles, not because he was interested in the matter, no he just wanted to understand his partner a bit better.

A gurgling sound from the bed draw all their attention. Jack was gasping for air, he was suffocating. „We need to intubate, now!" Doctor Ward rushed to the head of the bed, a nurse had already lowered the headrest, so that Jack was lying flat. Ward stretched his head back and inserted the tube, which was immediately attached to the ventilator. Slowly Jacks vitals began to stabilize a bit, although they still were not in normal range.

Mac didn't realize, he had held his breath. He breathed deeply, but it didn't ease the pressure he felt. It was as if the fear was tearing him apart. He shook his head, this had to be a nightmare. He couldn't lose Jack. He would rather die, than lose Jack.

A laboratory worker stormed into the room and thrust a piece of paper in doctor Wards hands. The physician studied it for a moment. „Atropin! 5 miligram intravenously and 250 miligram Obidoxim," he ordered immediately. A few moments later a nurse handed him two syringes and he administered the antidotes. „We're gonna give him the Atropine every ten minutes for the next hour and the Obidoxim at least two more times over the next 24 hours. Let's just hope, it isn't too late. I'm sorry Mac. I wish I had better news, but the analysis showed that he was poisoned with a combination of Parathion better known as Folidol, DFP and mustard gas."

Macs face lost all color. He laid his head on the bed and buried it with his hands. His body shook with sobs. The downside of being a genius was, that you couldn't enjoy the bliss of ignorance. Not only one neurotoxin was wreaking havoc in Jacks body. The Delta was strong, but could he beat the odds? Mac wouldn't let him give up, he wouldn't let his friend die. Brain damage or not, Jack would live!

Bozer asked: „I've heard of Folidol before, but I know nothing about it and the other substances. What is that kind of stuff?"

Mac raised his tear streaked face and started to explain in a flat voice. „Parathion is a herbicide, it functions as a neurotoxin. It was developed by a German and is also called „mother-in-law-poison", because it was often used for murder. DFP is Di-isopropylfluorphosphate, a insecticide, which is way more efficiently when mixed with mustard gas. Jack is fighting not one, no there are three neurotoxins in his body right now. This explains all of his symptoms." Mac sighed and turned back to hold Jacks hand again. „You have to fight this, you're the strongest man I've ever met. Don't leave me bud. I'm so sorry," he whispered.

A choked sob cut through the silence. Riley put her hand over her mouth to muffle her cries. Bozer pulled her into a tight hug. „Sh, it's ok Ri. He's gonna be ok. If anyone can beat this, it's Jack."

Doctor Ward spoke up. „All we can do now is wait. He's holding his own. I suggest, you all go home and get some rest." Nobody moved. Matty sighed and suggested. „The doc is right. You better take a break, Riley and Bozer. I know Mac won't leave his side, but they both will need all our help. We don't help Jack, if we all break down, we have to be strong for him."

Bozer nodded. „Hey Jack, you get better soon, you hear me. I've got a few new recipes and these philistines don't appreciate a good meal as much as you do. See you tomorrow bro."

Riley stepped to the bed and choked out. „Don't give the nurses a hard time. They are only trying to help you." She planted a kiss on his sweaty forehead. „Don't allow something to kill you, that you can't even spell."

Matty chuckled. She laid a hand on Macs shoulder. „I'm in my office if you need something." She turned to Jack. „Don't you dare to die, Dalton!" She threathened, but her shaking voice gave away, that the small woman was as concerned as they all were.

The activity in the room lessened, once Jacks vitals had stabilized and the diagnosis gave them not much to do, then to administer the antidot and check the IV bags regularly. It was like doc Ward had said. Wait. Wait until Jack woke up. Would he wake up, and if, in which state would his brain be?

Mac sat beside Jacks bed, feeling numb. His brain was normally working fast, thousand things running through it at the same time. Ideas, images and plans a swirling kaleidoscope of information. Now he just felt empty, his mind refusing to process, what he had heard and what he saw. The blond agent sat there and … prayed. He surprised himself, as he became aware of it. A small smile played on his face. Jack would like it, oh and Nana Beth, she probably would drag him into church the next time they visited.

Mac sigehd. „Jack you have to get better. There are so many people, who need you. Your family in Texas and here at the Phoenix. We still have so many lifes to save bud. You canˋt stop now."

A nurse brought in a bowl with cold water and handed Mac a cloth. Mac wet it and began to wash Jacks face with the cool liquid. He was grateful to be able to do something. It was the helplessness that got to Mac. When they were on a mission, there was something to do. He just had to build a contraption, make a bomb out of the strangest ingredients or break them out of a shithole, they were locked in. The two of them were always so busy to take the bad guys out, there wasn't time to take a break. And here he sat, in the worst situation of his life and all his thinking, or as Jack would say, his ginormus brain wasn't helping his friend the tiniest bit.

Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

AN:

Hello my friends and thank you again. You are the best. In this chapter, we learn a bit of the relationship between Jack and Matty. I'm thinking about writing a story that centers around it. A Phoenix story with some retrospect to the mission, that defined their relationship. What do you think, should I give it a try?

I'm still not a medic, so please forgive me for the mistakes in that area. So, enjoy and please review, if you like it.

Chapter 5

The night seemed endless. The stillness of the sickroom only disturbed by the sound of the heart monitor and the soft whooshing of the ventilator. From time to time one of the doctors came in to check on Jack or administer another dose of Atropine. There were deep lines of pain embedded in Jacks face. The Texan still hasn't showed any signs of waking up. Mac was hoarse from talking. He had told Jack stories from his childhood with Bozer and his time at MIT. When he ran out of things to tell Jack, he took out his cell and started to read Moby Dick to him. Jack had once told Mac, that this was the story his Pops used to read to him.

Matty had shown up and forced Mac to eat a sandwich and drink some juice. The blond agent had started to put up a fight, but one look into his boss´ eyes stopped him. Matty looked … desperate, he couldn't describe it any other way. So Mac couldn't be so gruesome and add to her burden.

„You never told us, what caused the tense feelings between you two, when you came to Phoenix. Jack didn't either. He once said something about letting you down, but nothing else." Mac stated and waited patiently if Matty would reveal anything about the work relationship, she had with the Delta.

She sighed. „Letting me down? Not even for a second. He got shot in the head, just a graze, but a really bad one. You know what a head injury can do to you. He was handcuffed with wire. We were in a cabin in the woods and I was tortured for information by a traitor, this asshole made Jack watch it. I believe, he never forgave himself for not being able to prevent it. There was absolutely nothing Jack could have done, he was in a really bad way and I didn't blame him. But he felt guilty, probably still does." Matty laughed a short humourless laugh. „He's like you in that way, he's just better at hiding it. Jack didn't let me down. He saved my life and got us out of that hell."

Mac nodded. „Sounds like Jack." He rubbed a hand over his face, he was exhausted.

Matty observed him. „You should get some rest blondie. You look like shit."

Mac smiled. „That's what I love about you boss. No sugar coating, just the naked truth shot right between my eyes."

„Well, you've got Jack to pamper you. I'm in my office, I'll drop by later." The small woman left the room.

Mac turned around to Jack, smiling. „Did you hear that brother? Pamper! It's not my fault, that you always play Papa-bear, when I'm sick or injured. I'm not asking for it." He sobered. „I probably sound like a spoiled brat. I really appreciate it, when you look out for me. I know, I've been an asshole the last weeks. I promise we talk this over, but you have to get better first. Please wake up, I need you."

The blond agent sat there, thinking about the last weeks. He had been so wrapped up in his guilt over Zoes death. He had pushed Jack away, again and again. The Delta had tried so hard to bring Mac out of his depression. He was ashamed, when he thought about the hurtful words, he had thrown at Jack. Selfish. That's the word to describe how Mac had acted. He had noticed, that Jack was exhausted, his pale and drawn appearance. Probably caused by lack of sleep, if the enormous amount of coffee Jack drank was any indication. How could he do this to his friend? Some friend he was. It was his fault, that Jack was near death. He had gone back, to get Mac out of the lab. Regret and guilt were bitter pills. He had to make things right with Jack.

Mac took Jacks hand again and squeezed it. He froze. Did Jack move his fingers? Mac sqeezed again and waited with baited breath. There it was. Just a little twitch of his trigger finger. Mac repeated the motion and got the same answer.

„Jack! Can you hear me? Open your eyes buddy!" Mac was tense, he knew how hard it could be to pry open your eyes, when you were sick or injured. When there was no response, he tried another tactic. „Move your trigger finger, when you can hear me, ok?" The blonds eyes were fixated on his hand. There! A twitch! Macs eyes filled with tears of relief. „Oh man Jack, am I happy to have you back. Ok, listen bro. It's one twitch for yes and two twitches for no. You got me?" Mac was anxious.

Twitch.

„Ok, can you remember what happened?"

Twitch, twitch.

Mac was grateful. Jacks head began to move slightly and his heart rate went up, the monitor confirmed it with an alarm signal. „Hey, hey easy brother. You're in medical." Jack calmed down again. The blond agent pushed the call button. A moment later doc Ward rushed in. „What's going on Mac?"

„I think, he's waking up. He can't open his eyes, but he's moving his fingers. One twitch for yes, two for no."

„Show me," the physician urged.

Mac bent over Jack and said. „Do you hear me Jack?"

Twitch.

„Doc Ward is here, do you want him to give you a shot?" The doc raised an eyebrow and looked at Jacks hand.

Twitch, twitch.

A broad smile appeared on the face of Ward, he clapped Mac on the shoulder. „That's great!" He stepped nearer to the patient and asked. „Jack, I want you to open your eyes. I know it's hard, but try to open them for a moment, ok?"

Twitch.

It seemed to take forever, but suddenly Jacks eyelids fluttered, then opened and closed again.

„That's it Jack. Come on, open your eyes," Mac encouraged, but Jacks breathing evened out a bit and he was unconscious again. Doctor Ward laid a calming hand on Macs arm. „It's ok. He's too worn out to stay awake much longer. I still can't rule out brain damage, but it is encouraging, that he understands simple orders."

Mac nodded and plopped onto the chair again, feeling utterly exhausted. The doc left and Mac laid his head on Jacks bed, his hand holding Jacks and he was asleep in moments.

Pain. Jacks world seemed to consist only of pain. Everything was blurry, nothing seemed real. Pain the only reality that was there. Slowly other sensations broke through the fog. Sounds were swirling together to a strange noise. After some time Jack could make out a wooshing sound paired with a constant beeping, voices joined the mix. He felt hands touching him, or not? He wasn't sure. His body felt somehow numb, but at the same time there was that searing pain tearing his body apart. He was so confused, thoughts were forming in his mind, but before they could manifest, they were gone. What was happening to him? Where was …? There should somebody …? Pressure in his head. Why? Coolness on his face. Good. Whispering. Agony ripping through his body. Who …? Dead? Was he dead? Pressure on his hand. A voice. Deep, soothing, felt good. Familiar. What … words? Mac. A name, familiar. A word „brother". Feeling safe, comfort, trust. More words „I need you". Jack felt the blanket of confusion lift slowly. What happened to him? He recognized the sounds. A heart monitor and a ventilator. Something in his throat. He couldn't breathe, but he was to weak to fight it. Again the voice. Mac, his partner, finally his brain provided the information. He could trust him. Tired, why was he so tired and sore. He realized he was in medical, but Jack had no idea why. He tried to open his eyes, but they seemed to be glued shut. He had to look at Mac, to reassure him. The kid was always so worried, when Jack was in medical. He tried again, but he simply couldn't do it. A hand sqeezed his, he managed to move his fingers and the motion didn't go unnoticed by Mac. „Jack can you hear me? Open your eyes buddy." He couldn't. All he managed was to move his trigger finger. Mac understood and worked out a way to communicate. Smart kid.

The doc was there, urging him to open his eyes. God was he tired. One last try. Jack gathered his reserves and managed to crack them open, only to close them a moment later. Darkness was gripping at him and he let go.

When Mac awoke the first rays of sunlight were appearing. He immediately glanced at Jack and sighed. He looked not worse. A small gift. The blond rubbed his forehead and frowned. Had he dreamt that Jack had woken up briefly. He wasn't sure. The last 24 hours had been pure hell. Had it really been just one day? Yesterday morning Jack was standing in the war room, his body radiating strength and health. Destiny had a cruel habit to rob you of it in only a few moments. Mac closed his eyes again and rolled his head to work some of the stiffness out. When he opened them again, his glance was met by a pair of brown eyes.

„Jack! Oh god buddy, am I glad to see your eyes open!" Mac couldn't stop the tears and he didn't care. Jack moved his head and began to cough, he got upset by the tube in his throat and Mac pushed the call button. The heart monitor signalled an alarm, evidence for Jacks agitation. „Easy Jack, it's ok. The tube is to help your breathing. You have to calm down, I know it sucks, brother. It's gonna be ok."

Doc Ward came in, looking crumpled. He obviously had slept in medical. He examined Jack and said.

„I think we can take the tube out Jack. It's not going to be fun, but it's over in a second. Just breathe out nice and slowly." Jack did as he was told and the physician pulled out the tube. Jack gagged and coughed. He had problems to catch his breath, but after a minute his breathing slowed and he calmed down. The doc nodded satisfied. „You had us pretty worried Jack. Do you know where you are?"

Jack tried to speak, but his tongue seemed to be numb. He couldn't get the words out. He felt the room tilt and slipped back into unconsciousness.

„Jack! Jack, no! Come on, open your eyes please!" Mac was frantic, when he saw Jacks eyes roll back. It reminded him to much of the seizures, something he wouldn't mind to forget. Doctor Ward observed the monitors and listened to Jacks heart and lung and nodded. „He's just unconscious. Don't worry Mac. The neurotoxins haven't left his body yet. His whole system is out of balance. We have to be patient, I'm satisfied with what I can see at the moment. We still have to consider, if or how the poison has affected his brain. But it seems, that his basic functions are fine."

Mac sighed and settled back in the chair. He ran a shaking hand through his hair. „I don't know how he does it," he sighed.

„Does what?" asked Ward.

„I have no idea how Jack manages to stay calm, when I'm the one in the bed."

The physician smiled. „He's a Delta, he knows when to push his own feelings and needs aside. That doesn't mean, he's always calm, when you're fighting for your life. I saw him lose his shit once. I found him on the floor in the bathroom crying. He's strong, but everybody has his breaking point."

Mac nodded, he was nearing his breaking point himself. Not to know, if Jack would survive, or if he was the same person after he woke up, really got to him.

A few hours later Mac was still by Jacks side. Matty had visited again and forced him to eat and drink. Mac wouldn't have eaten anything, but he needed his strength, when Jack woke up. He was telling Jack about the renovations he planned to do at his grandpas cabin. „I'm gonna need your help with the roof of the shed. We need to replace one of the beams …"

„Maybe next week," came a weak whisper from the bed.

„Jack, oh man finally. How do you feel brother?" Mac grabbed the hand of the Texan and sqeezed. He couldn't describe the relief, that flooded through him.

„Like roadkill." Jack croaked. Mac gave him a few sips of water, which the Delta accepted grateful.

„Well, that's exactly how you look my friend." A silent tear escaped Mac and rolled down his face, only to drip on Jacks hand. The Delta raised a weak hand and brushed it away. „Hey now, whatˋs that? Are you ok Mac? You look done in kid." The pain in Jacks face was overshadowed by a look of concern.

Mac couldn't speak for a moment, the lump in his throat too big. He shook his head. „I was so scared Jack. I almost lost you." He whispered and the tears were streaming down his face. Jack sqeezed his hand again. „It's ok Mac. I'm not going to leave you, I promise. I won't let myself get killed by …," he frowned. „I have no idea, what happened to me."

Mac pulled himself together again. „What do you remember?"

Jack thought for a moment and replied. „We were driving home, I think … then … nothing."

„You collapsed in your living room, you had a seizure," Jacks eyes widened. „Not only one Jack, you had another two here at medical, you were poisoned with three different neurotoxins: Folidol, Di-Isopropylfluorphosphate and mustard gas. It was the puddle in the lab, the substances entered your body through the skin."

„Wow, no wonder my mouth feels like an animal died in there. What's the verdict? Am I growing a second head?" The weak attempt of humor was belied by the painful cramp that took hold of Jacks body. „That sucks big time bro," he said between clenched teeth, his hands were gripping the bedrail so hard, that his knuckles appeared white. Mac pushed the call button. He rubbed Jacks arms in a futile attempt to ease the tense muscles. The spasm lasted a few minutes, then Jacks features softened and he sank back onto the pillow utterly exhausted.

Doctor Ward entered and smiled, as he saw that Jack was awake. „Good to see your eyes open again Jack. You kept us busy and had us pretty worried over the last 24 hours. How do you feel?"

„Like death warmed up."

„That's probably a pretty good description. We were not sure, you would make it. I have to ask you some questions now and do some testing, ok?"

„Do I have a choice?" Jack grumbled.

After maybe five minutes the doctor was finished. „The good news is that your brain didn't suffer any damage, we were concerned the recurring seizures had caused lasting damage. You still have a fever, but not as high as a few hours ago."

„And the bad news?" Mac asked, panic in his voice.

„You will have to deal with muscle spasms and pain for several weeks. Normally we would dose you with painkillers to make it easier on you, but your system was flooded with three neurotoxins and two antidotes. So your body has a lot to process, and adding heavy drugs to the pile wouldn't be a good idea. We have to consider it could affect your kidneys or the liver. The only thing, I can give you is a slight muscle relaxant."

„'s ok, doc … m good." Jack began to slur. His energy waning quickly.

„I'll help you through this Jack. I won't leave your side bud." Mac promised.

Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

AN:

So this is the last chapter, I hope you like it.

Chapter 6

„Stay still!" Mac was annoyed. „How am I supposed to give you a decent shave, if you won't stop squirming? Next time I'll give you an elctric shaver."

„These are shit. Just get it done." Jack grumbled. He was embarrassed. It has been a week since he came to and he was still so weak, that he wasn't able to shave. The shaking of his hands made it impossible. The Delta was frustrated over his bodys refusal to obey his brains orders. His limbs were cramping and shaking, sending flares of agony through his body. A constant headache and dizziness were ever present. At least he was able to keep his meals down mostly by now and he could stay awake for longer periods of time. Mac had helped him to talk the doctors into releasing him today. But only, if he would agree to a long list of conditions.

They would go to Macs cabin for Jacks recovery. The doctors had given Mac strict instructions for Jack to follow. No exertion, no wandering around alone, taking the muscle relaxants regularly and doing the exercises, the physiotherapists had shown him. The doctors didn't like the idea of Jack leaving medical so soon, but they have known both of them long enough to understand, that they needed to get out to get the rest they both needed.

„You ready to go?" Mac asked.

Jack nodded. Getting dressed had worn him out already, but he was determined not to show it. He slowly stood up and began to sway, Mac reached out a hand to steady him. After a minute Jack had found his legs and began to walk.

„Stop!" Macs sharp voice made him flinch. He slowly turned around. „What?" Mac pointed at the wheelchair in the corner of the room. „You'll use this to get out of here. Doctors orders. And you know, that you won't even make it to the elevator in the state you are in." Macs voice softened at the last sentence.

Jacks shoulders sagged. He knew Mac was right. He probably wouldn't have made it out of the room, let alone all the way to the elevator. Standing alone was sucking up all his energy. He sighed. „You're right, but I don't have to like it. If you take a picture of me in that thing, I promise you that nobody will ever find your body."

„Already making threats Jack? You must be doing better." A sarcastic voice came from the door. Riley stood there, grinning. „Hey sweetheart, how is my favourite hacker doing today?" Jack was all smiles.

„Awesome, now that I see you up and around. You scared the shit out of me, out of all of us." She added. Jack sat back on the bed, pulling Riley to sit beside him. He laid a hand around her shoulder and sqeezed gently. „I'm sorry Ri. I didn't want you to have to watch this."

„Hey, it wasn't your fault big guy. I'm just glad you're ok." They didn't see Mac flinch at the words.

Riley smiled. „So you're going out to Macs cabin? Maybe Bozer and I will come out and visit at the weekend. Just promise me to take it easy and not to give Mac a hard time."

Jack grinned deviously. „I promise, I'll be as good as Mac is, when he's the one recovering."

„Oh, you're in for a quite a chore then Mac. Jack I'm serious, you have to take it easy. Being poisoned with some neurotoxins isn't something to take lightly." Riley couldn't hide her concern.

„Hey, it takes more than mustard gas and Difluoryl-something to take down a Delta." He was answered with a burst of laughter from Riley and Mac. Jack looked confused.

„It's Di-Isopropylfluorphosphate Jack. Riley said, when you were out of it, you wouldn't allow something to kill you, that you can't even spell."

Jack laughed. „That's my girl."

Mac grinned. „Come on, let's get out of here. I'm sick and tired of medical." The blond agent had barely left the room in the last week. He had been at Jacks side the whole time, supporting him when the cramps got really bad and intervening when Jack gave the nurses a hard time. Mac had slept on a cot in the room, but hadn't got much rest himself. „I'm really looking forward to sleeping in a real bed."

Jack nodded. „You didn't need to stay the whole time. Not that I don't appreciate it, I do, but I know how these cots suck."

Mac sobered. „It is a small price worth to pay. I wasn't sure you'd be able to beat this. It's …" Mac gulped. „It was hard to watch the seizures. Don't do this to me ever again." Jack laid his hand on Macs shoulder. „Hey, it's alright bro. It may take a while, but I'm going to be as good as new."

They made their way out of the Phoenix building. It took them pretty long, because most of the people they met, stopped to say some well wishes or to clap Jack on the shoulder. Mac realised, how much Jack meant to those people. He had saved a lot of them over the last years and they really appreciated Jacks willingness to protect them all. He was a guy easy to like and their sympathy was prove to it.

The drive to Macs cabin took them several hours. Jack had nodded on and off. Mac didn't like Jacks pale complexion, this last week had clearly left their mark on the Delta. The deep lines of pain hadn't really left his face. A clear sign, that Jack was still fighting off the after effects of the poisons. The cramps were assaulting him mercilessly, several times every day and night. The physiotherapist had shown Mac some exercises, that would help ease the pain a bit.

It was late afternoon, when they reached the cabin. Jack was awake, but they hadn't talked a lot over the last hour. Mac parked the Jeep and ran over to the passengers door to help Jack out. „Hey, I'm no invalid. I'm able to get out of the car alone." He grumbled and stood, only to fall into Macs arms a moment later, when his knees betrayed his words. „Easy, I got you Jack. Come on, one step at a time." Mac almost had to drag Jack into the house. He helped Jack sit down on the couch. The Delta ran a shaky hand through his hair. „Thanks," he breathed. „Damn it!"

„Your welcome Jack. Don't pressure yourself. It was a long drive, I'm also tired. I'm gonna start a fire." He added, as he saw Jack shiver. The Texan didn't respond he closed his eyes and sank back into the pillow. He was asleep in minutes snoring softly.

Mac brought in the supplies to last them several weeks. He took their bags into the bedrooms and prepared some sandwiches and placed them on the living room table. He grabbed two bottles of water and plopped down onto the chair opposite Jack.

Suddenly Jacks legs began to jerk, his eyes shot open and he groaned in pain. Reaching down he tried to rub away the pain, breathing hard. Mac was at his side a moment later and began to massage his calves. „Try to slow down your breathing Jack," he advised. „I'm trying," wheezed the Delta, but it took another five minutes until the spasm was leaving his body.

„A bad one huh?" Mac said sympathetically. Jack nodded. „Yeah, these cramps are a bitch." Mac stood up and brought Jack two pills and a bottle of water.

„I don't take it." Jack stated. Mac let out a sigh. „Did you forget that you promised to follow doctors orders strictly?" He held out the pills again.

Jack pouted. „They're making me sick and the're not helping anyway." But he grabbed them and washed them down with some water. Mac thrust the plate with the sandwich in the Deltas hands and said sternly. „Eat!"

Jack looked at the food, as if it was a wild animal that would bite him any moment. It was weird, he really had relished a good meal, but since the poisoning he was literally disgusted by any kind of food. He had lost way to much weight this last week. This didn't go unnoticed by Mac. „Listen bud, I know you aren't savoring eating right now, but you need to take in some calories."

„I know bro, I know." With a sigh he grabbed the sandwich and began to nibble at it. He managed half of it, than shoved the plate away. Jack struggled to his feet, holding onto the couch as a wave of dizziness swept over him. He held out a hand to signal Mac to stay away. „I got this Mac. Just need a moment." True to his words he straightened and wobbled his way to the bedroom. „I'm gonna turn in, I'm bushed. Thanks for bringing me out here Mac."

„Good night Jack."

Mac got up and cleaned up the dishes. He added some logs to the fire and went to bed. He was utterly exhausted, the constant worry and the long trip had taken a toll on him. Sleeping on the cot in the hospital hadn't been restful and there were still so many things running through his head, that prevented a good nights sleep. He made up his mind, that he would have a serious talk with Jack the next day, he had an apology to make. Mac fell into the bed and was out in seconds.

A loud crash startled Mac awake. He was out of bed in a second and ran to Jacks room. The bed was empty, but he could hear a low groaning from the bathroom. Mac was shocked as he entered the room. Jack was curled up on the floor in the fetal position, writhing in pain. A look to the toilet confirmed that Jack had thrown up. The blond fell on his knees and carefully turned Jack around, so his head was resting in his lap. The Delta was only half conscious. „Jack, can you hear me?" His friend didn't answer. Mac felt Jacks forehead, he was running a fever again, although not a high one. „Jack buddy, come on, it's me Mac!" He grabbed a wet cloth and cleaned up Jacks face. Slowly the Deltas eyes began to focus. „That's it bro. You with me?" Jack took a deep breath and whispered. „Mac?"

„Yeah, it's me. Why didn't you call?" Mac couldn't keep the concern out of his voice, but Jack was too out of it, to notice. „…idn wan wake you," he slurred.

„Come on brother, let's get you back to bed." Mac grabbed Jack under the armpits and hauled him up, noticing how much weight the Delta had actually lost. He pulled Jack into a sitting position on the edge of the bathtub. Jacks face lost all color and he bend over the toilet and was sick again. Mac held him, murmuring soothing words and rubbing Jacks back comfortingly. When the heaving finally stopped, Jack looked up to Mac. Seeing his brother so miserable almost brought tears to his eyes. Mac flushed the toilet and washed Jacks face again. He gave him a glass of water to rinse his mouth.

„Thanks," he breathed. „You think you can walk, if I help you?" Jack nodded. He stood on shaky legs and didn't protest, when Mac laid his hand around his shoulder. Slowly they made their way back to Jacks room. Mac grabbed a fresh t-shirt and helped Jack into it, as his other was soaked through with sweat. Jack collapsed onto the bed and Mac gently grabbed his legs and helped him get comfortable.

He covered Jack and sat down on the side of the bed. „Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to leave medical this early, and then the long drive out here. I should have waited a couple more days." Mac cursed himself. He knew, that Jack was still pretty sick, it was careless to risk his health further by bringing him out here. There wasn't a hospital nearby. „I think, I'm gonna take you back to medical tomorrow."

„No!" Jacks arm shot out from under the covers and grabbed his arm with surprising strength. „It was the right decision Mac. I couldn't stand it any longer and you know it. I'm gonna be ok. Sorry for disturbing you. Please don't take me back. I promise, I try to eat and I'm gonna take the fucking pills if you insist, but please let me stay here." Jacks eyes started to tear up and he wiped at them before the tears would escape. Macs heart broke. „Hey now. It's ok, calm down Jack. We'll stay, ok? I'm not sure about the pills myself, if they make you sick. Try to get some sleep now, tomorrow's another day." He rubbed Jacks arm in reassurance, realizing how their roles were reversed. Mac came to a new understanding, what Jack went through, when he was sick or injured. Jacks breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep.

Mac was in the kitchen, when Jack entered the room. It was late morning and Mac had prepared a light breakfast. „I've made you some tea and toast. I thought that would be easier on your stomach."

„No coffee?" Jack sounded disappointed.

Mac laughed. „I doubt you could keep a cup of coffee down." Jack sat down at the counter and began to sip the tea. „Yeah and I drank so much of it the last weeks, I probably shouldn't drink any for the rest of the year."

„Why did you drink so much coffee? You didn't like the brew that much before." Mac had an idea, but he wanted Jack to start talking.

„Honestly I didn't sleep very well the last weeks and I desperately needed it to keep me going. But I'm not the only one suffering from insomnia." Jack stated.

„You're right. That's what I wanted to talk to you about, if you're up to it."

„I am bro. I was ready weeks ago," he said with a smile.

Mac sighed. „But I wasn't. I just couldn't talk about it. When we were out here and you tried to coax me to open up, I simply wasn't ready. I couldn't explain, what I was feeling or why I was feeling that way. I'm not entirely sure I can now, but I'm gonna give it a try. Watching Zoe … watching her drown, was one of the hardest thing I had to do in my life. The helplessness, standing there in the war room, perfectly safe and comfortable and watching her shivering in the cold water, struggling to breathe. I felt guilty. Guilty for surviving while she died. Guilty for not being able to save her. There was so much stuff around and I still couldn't figure out how to save her." Tears began streaming down his face. „I let her down, Jack. She needed me and I let her down. I know, we can't always save everybody on our missions."

„But she was not just everybody, wasn't she?" Jack asked gently.

Mac nodded. „She was … special. I can't describe it. There was a connection, something familiar, despite we didn't know each other. Her passion for science, her open mind and kind heart. I know I always denied, that there could be something like love at first sight, but now I know there is…"

„Oh Mac!" Jack sighed and pulled Mac into a fierce hug. Macs body shook with sobs. Finally he could let the grief escape, from deep within his soul, where it had been darkening his whole being. They stood there for a long time, until Mac was able to pull himself together.

„I'm sorry Mac. I tried to help you, but I couldn't find a way. I knew you were hurting, but I wasn't aware how much she meant to you."

„No, it's me, who needs to apologize. I shut everybody out. I felt like I didn't deserve your sympathy. I know you only tried to help, but I pushed you away. You couldn't sleep, because of me. Am I right?"

„Well, to be honest. I had some terrible nightmares, since you began to take such huge risks on our missions. So, when I had a nightmare, I stayed up for the rest of the night and thought about a way to get you out of this mess. But don't go blaming yourself for this, this is not on you."

Mac denied. „It is Jack. And it is my fault, that you nearly died. You just went back into that lab to get me out."

Jack shook his head vehemently. „Stop Mac! Stop it now, it was not your fault, that they blew up the lab and it was not your fault, that they had this fucking poison in there. You just did, what we always try to do. Complete the mission, how many times had a mission gone south? This is just another one, that went not according to plan. I'm sorry for being so angry with you on the flight back. I was just so scared as the lab blew up, that I would have lost you. Sorry bud."

Suddenly Mac laughed. „We are a pair, aren't we?"

Jack joined in. „We are pretty good at blaming ourselves. Are we good?"

„We are brother. We are."

They both still had a lot of heeling to do, but they would be fine.

END

Please review!


End file.
